The Masculine/Yang Side:
The masculine or Yang side deals with the strength of the self. It is what causes you to act either timidly or self-confidently. The thing that is most important in determining the strength of the masculine side, is the value that you, at a deep level, place on yourself. This is a value you know within yourself that you have really and truly earned. It could be thought of as a sort of self-esteem. Placing a high value on yourself affects your whole being and helps you feel strong and confident in operating your life. And when can operate your life with confidence, you get more out of life. Things can really turn around for you, and this automatically makes you place a higher value on yourself. You can build the masculine side through progress and small wins, through positive reinforcement, by practicing, and by generally taking an active part in operating your life.
If you have a strong masculine/Yang side, you are in charge of your own life because you are internally controlled. You tend to look people in the eye. You stand straight, and you usually command attention when you walk into a room, whether you say anything or not. This happens because of the strength within. If you have a weak masculine side, you also have a lot of doubts. You doubt yourself, your abilities, your capability to do things. Things intimidate you and you don’t move forward well. You are afraid to put yourself out there because you know you are going to fail, so you don’t even try to accomplish things. If you have a weak masculine side, you often feel the need to show off your attributes and accomplishments, whereas if you have a strong masculine side you are self-confident, and don’t feel it is necessary to show off.
The masculine/yang side is full of things that you have to be strong and self-confident in order to do. These include being able to claim your basic rights, such as the right to feel free to operate independently of others, and the right to belong or fit into society in any way you please. Claiming your rights also includes being able to stand up to people who try to take away your rights, either by force or intimidation, or by manipulation, or by trying to hinder you in choosing your own direction in life. The masculine side also includes the ability to be decisive, to take risks when appropriate, and to focus intently and concentrate in order to get things done. In addition, a strong masculine side builds common sense, which helps you figure out how to accomplish things and get more of what you want out of life. This includes figuring out how to operate your life in a responsible manner, how to reason without distorting reality and without fooling yourself, and how to accurately weigh probabilities so that you know the most likely outcome to expect in situations you come across.
The Feminine/Yin Side:
The feminine/Yin side is also based on a value. But instead of a being a value you place on yourself, the feminine side is based, at the same deep level, on a value that you place on others. It could be thought of as a sort of “other-esteem”. This value affects your whole being. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in ways that help others get what they want out of life. You happily let people operate their own life without interference from you, but when asked, you are also willing to help by supporting, cooperating, and giving advice. People feel comfortable with you because you give who you are without pushing yourself on others. If you have a strong feminine side, people also feel comfortable being around you because there is no selfishness for them to detect.
If you have a weak feminine side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. Instead, you are selfish and greedy and tend to keep yourself closed off from people. You are isolated because you don’t want to share yourself or share anything you have. Also, you don’t take responsibility for yourself but blame others for your problems. Although the feminine side is generally not as well understood as the masculine side, the negative or selfish aspect of a low feminine side is something almost everybody recognizes, especially in others. In fact, it may be the most easily recognizable characteristic of all, because of the element of discomfort involved in being with a selfish person. If someone has a weak feminine side, it could also be said that he has a strong “dark side” (the evil or negatively motivated side). In someone with a strong dark side, there is usually an imbalance in which the feminine side is very weak, while the masculine side is much stronger. In the extreme situation where a person has an almost nonexistent feminine side, he will often act in ways that could be considered evil in nature, because he acts only on his own behalf, and does it to such an extent that he doesn’t care how much his actions hurt others in the process.
If you have a strong feminine side, you often behave in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You do things that you have to be giving and unselfish in order to do. This includes recognizing people’s basic human rights and allowing them to operate their life without interfering with those rights. For example, allowing them the freedom to operate independently, and the freedom to fit into society wherever and however they want, even the freedom to let people choose when to face up to reality and when to be in denial. Allowing people their basic rights include letting them control their own life, letting them choose what to believe without being manipulated by you, and letting them choose their own path or direction in life without hindrance from you. The feminine side also includes having an enthusiasm and zest for life and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. And it includes having the persistence and tenacity to stay with something until it is finished, while still knowing when to give up on it if your energy is better used elsewhere. In addition, the feminine side also includes being kind, compassionate, patient, responsive to the needs of others, and it includes the ability to limit the amount of energy you put into helping people, to keep from hurting yourself or draining your own energy.
The Balance:
The masculine/feminine or yin/yang balance is extremely important, almost more important than how much you have grown as a person. Even a less evolved person, if he is balanced, treats others the same way he treats himself. And that is what balance is all about. If the masculine side is much stronger than the feminine side, you tend to be pushy and take unfair advantage of people. On the other hand, if the feminine side is much stronger than the masculine side, you tend to let others take advantage of you, and you become a doormat for people. How can you tell which side is stronger for you? The balance between fear and anger in your life is a good indication. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to feel anger more easily than fear. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel unjustly treated by others, and the more easily you will become angry and aggressive with them because you have an unrealistically high opinion of your own rights compared to those of others. Conversely, if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to feel fear more easily than anger. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel you are treating others unfairly, and the more easily you will become defensive and fearful because you have an unrealistically low opinion of your own rights as compared to those of others.
Angela Cordova Dunning... Psychotherapist 